A Normal Lyfe

The sun is shining brightly today. I had a coffee outside with some friends in AA. We spoke about normal things – what we had been up to, how we are feeling, and what the rest of this glorious, sunny weekend holds for us. We spoke of what our respective work lives are like and just chatted about the usual stuff.

As I cycled back to my house it occurred to me how grateful I am for the fellowship I had experienced this morning. I was feeling good and my sense of recovery and peace was at the fore. As usual, I started to analyse these feelings and realised how lucky I am to be in AA.

In a relatively short space of time, with the help of my fellow alcoholics, and the twelve steps, I have come to be profoundly grateful for the mundane things in life. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, a career and a growing bond with my daughter – things that most people would take for granted. For me these things are an obvious blessing now, having been through the horrendous rigours of years of drinking. I feel now that, if anything I can have a far greater appreciation of my ‘normal’ life than I may have had if I hadn’t been an alcoholic. This is a far cry from the fantasising man, who yearned for the grandiose, far-fetched successes, and unwarranted accolades and gifts of life; and who eventually came to AA with nothing but fear and a wretched sense of hopelessness. I am happy to just have the basics in life, to feel at peace some of the time; to have a decent place to live and a job to go to; to have a life that is moving forward, and to sit with my friends in the sun chatting about nothing very much.

I have learned through these incredible people and the programme of living that they have shown me that happiness must come from within – from the knowledge that I am of use, and that I may be able to help someone; from accepting that I am who, and where I am, and thereby being at peace with those things. I have little, if any control over other people and the world around me, and it is far easier and painless to just enjoy the simple things I ignored whilst in drink, and let go of the ideas of the Holy Grail and Golden Fleece.